What to Expect When Your Child is in Counseling:
Information & Resources for Parents

Just as it takes time for patterns of challenging behavior / dysregulation to develop, it takes time for these patterns to be unlearned and for new regulation skills and approaches to connection, repair, and structure to be developed. At times, this can feel longer than is comfortable for both the child and their caregivers, as families are often seeking support when things feel particularly desperate or challenging. The process of change is not instantaneous, but rather the result of repeated experiences of safety, regulation, and connection that change our learned experience over time.

A Typical Outline of the Counseling Process:

Phase 1: Building Rapport / Fostering a Trusting Therapeutic Relationship

The counselor uses child-directed play to build trust and a sense of safety, creating a foundation that supports emotional regulation and allows space for difficult behaviors, topics, and experiences. The counselor carefully learns about the child’s inner world through verbal and nonverbal communication, including themes that emerge in play, art, and other forms of expression. During this process, treatment goals are collaboratively developed with caregivers, focusing on current challenges, desired changes, and what feels most supportive for the child and family.

Phase 2: Working Stage

Once trust is established, patterns of behavior, emotional distress, and dysregulation naturally emerge and can be explored with care. During this stage, the counselor supports the child in developing regulation skills through co-regulation and attunement to the child’s emotional state and expressed needs, which are not always verbal. This may include breathing exercises, movement, play- and art-based embodiment, and sensory regulation tools. Ongoing collaboration with caregivers is an essential part of this work, helping reinforce regulation skills both in and outside of sessions through shared observations and practical strategies for home.

Phase 3: Transitioning / Ending Counseling

Time is taken to reflect on the change process, helping the child and family recognize growth and identify what feels different and what they want moving forward. Together, the counselor and family develop a plan for future challenges, clarifying what co-regulation looks like and identifying the tools and skills available to support resilience and confidence. When ongoing sessions come to an end, the counselor remains available for future support as needed.

Development, Regulation, and the Family System

A Developmental Approach
Children have different developmental needs than adults. It is developmentally normal for children to struggle with emotional regulation and logical processing, as these skills continue to develop into adolescence and early adulthood. Emotional and cognitive development do not always progress at the same pace, and some children may need more support in one area than another.

Play is the natural language of children. Through play, children access deeper abilities for connection, regulation, and processing difficult experiences. Play-based counseling offers a developmentally appropriate way for children to express themselves, build coping skills, and develop self-awareness.

Understanding Regulation
Regulation is a state in which emotions feel manageable, thinking remains flexible, and we can stay present and responsive. Dysregulation occurs when the nervous system shifts into fight, flight, or freeze, making it difficult to respond effectively.

Regulation is a learned skill that develops through safe relationships, body awareness, and practice with coping strategies. It is experienced not only cognitively, but as a felt sense of safety, curiosity, and connection. Moving between regulation and dysregulation is a normal part of being human for both children and adults.

Supporting the Family System
When working with children, change happens within the family system. Caregivers, siblings, and other family members influence one another, and meaningful change is more likely when the system works together. This often includes ongoing collaboration and communication between the counselor and caregivers.